Just when you thought swimming had to be silent, you can listen to “Part of Your World” on repeat. The SwiMP3 Waterproof MP3 Player ($129) lasts for two hours and “makes it much easier to swim long distances alone,” per an Amazon advocate. Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat? Your collec-tion is complete.
And then if you want out-of-control, technologically advanced scales to monitor how “well” it’s all going, there’s a number of scales to ruin your life with. This Ozeri Touch Digital Scale ($59) is popular on Amazon (5 star average; 60 reviews) and measures weight, body fat, hydration, muscle, and bone mass. What funner way to start the day? Wait, hold up, let me list 999 ways.
[The first 999 things that come to mind.] But I bought it anyway. For an even more-beloved scale that doesn’t do quite so alarmingly much, though, EatSmart’s Precision Digital Scale is available for $29.
So that’s all there is to fitness! Spend roughly $500 on gadgets to monitor yourself, and after a few months you’ll be exactly who you want to be. On a [bone mass-measuring] scale of 1 to 100, how close are you to being who you want to be? One being far away.
Edith Zimmerman is the editor of The Hairpin, a blog for women that features original content and general-interest stories of the day.