Facebook Etiquette: 11 Do’s and Don’ts

Written by / The Art of Manliness

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    • etiquette.jpgModern technology presents contemporary ladies and gents with the kind
    of etiquette pitfalls Emily Post could never have imagined. Just as
    World War I was especially bloody because the artillery had progressed
    faster than the development of new military tactics, technology presents
    an unmannered minefield because etiquette has not kept pace with its
    development.

    One battle in which a supply of etiquette needs to be rushed to the front is Facebook. It has been a rocky road in transitioning from face to face communications to interacting as disembodied versions of ourselves. But whether meeting in the flesh or connecting across cyberspace, the rules of civility still apply. The following friendly reminders may serve to restore the rules of etiquette to our modern age:

    It should go without saying: gentlemen and ladies only use Facebook.
    MySpace is for cads and scallywags.

    Use discretion when wall posting.
    Do not use Facebook’s wall to have entire conversations. You’ll look like a boob if you do. Use wall posts for well wishes and hellos. Also, do not post anything too personal on a person’s wall. Remember, walls are public spaces, so treat them as such.

    Take it easy on the application invites.pic 1_application invites.jpg 
    Trust us. Your friends don’t want to be your neighbor on FarmVille nor do they desire to join you on a hit in Cuba on Mob Wars. Only a person with a mind that functions at six guinea pig power would spam all their friends with invites to silly Facebook Applications.

    Use appropriate language when writing on someone else’s wall.pic 2 spelling.jpg
    Avoid off-color comments and gossip. And check for spelling mistakes. Just think, “What kind of impression do I want to give others?”

    Keep photos of yourself to a minimum.
    Especially photos taken of yourself by yourself, by holding the camera away from your face. Gentleman and ladies are modest and discreet. Hundreds of photos of yourself reveal your vanity.

    Do not break up with a person through Facebook.pic 3 status updates.jpg
    Only a real jagweeed would use Facebook’s relationship status feature to break up with their significant other. If you aren’t mature enough to look a person in the eyes and tell them it’s over, you weren’t mature enough to be in a relationship in the first place.

    Remove compromising photos of yourself.
    If you’re a true gentleman or lady, you shouldn’t have to worry about any incriminating photos of you winding up on Facebook. However, if a photo of you in a compromising pose does slip by, ask the poster to take it down. At least remove the tag of you in the photo.

    Join Facebook Fan Pages with discretion.
    The pages you choose to join, even as a joke, say a lot about you. Use discretion. Additionally, keep the number of pages you join to a minimum.

    Brett McKay
    Brett McKay
    Founded in January 2008, The Art of Manliness is a blog focused on reviving the lost art of manliness. With over 7 million monthly page views, The Art of Manliness represents a new kind of magazine for men, one that focuses on helping men become better citizens, fathers, husbands, friends, and simply all around better men. Husband and wife team, Brett and Kate McKay head up the blog. They live in Tulsa, OK.

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    • http://profile.typepad.com/luiscampos Luis Campos

      I wrote about a similar subject in my blog yesterday.

      Check it:
      http://myluchalibrelife.blogspot.com/2010/08/types-of-facebook-statuses.html

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003406372414 Antonio

        Thanks for your tips on the building blckos of communication. I know one area I need to work on is asking better questions when I communicate with others. It is also good to remember that we are our own sign.

    • http://profile.typepad.com/jasonkoller Jasonkoller

      Also,
      Be careful when replying to messages sent to a group of people.
      For example,
      Don’t reply unless it benefits every one in the message.
      I intensely dislike getting a message from some guy I don’t know.
      Especially when he’s just saying he won’t be at someone’s event.
      It would have been just as easy to reply to the person who initiated the conversation in private.

      On that note,
      Don’t send messages to more than a dozen or so people.
      Unless they all know each other.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003406358268 Jason

        Jill-Marie, thanks so much for shnriag some tips; there are so many ways we all make first impressions, several of which I hadn’t given much thought to before. It is so important in business to be cognizant of those factors in order to make first impressions count.

    • http://profile.typepad.com/6p0120a55b89bf970c Jason Ratner

      Thanks for the post. I think facebookers need to think about more value to their updates/posts. Everyone works, everyone is tired, etc.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003406363470 Octave

        This is a great post. I’ve got two little boys and I worry about the ipmcat this kind of marketing has on them. My husband’s family attempt to enforce gender stereotypes on my kids, shaming my son for his favourite pink Dora backpack or my other son for loving and fathering his baby-dolls. I protect them as much as possible. And my husband himself is a very good role model for them. He changes diapers, cooks, gets up with the baby at night and will take all three children to the park by himself frequently. He rarely yells and never spanks or physically disciplines our children. To me that is a manly man. He’s a far cry from his own father who won’t touch a diaper if there is anyone else there who can do it for him (meaning a woman) and who put my husband through a wall at the age of 6 because the small child spit at him, while trying to talk.

    • http://profile.typepad.com/djchriscruz Djchriscruz

      I have to disagree with this. If every user followed proper “Facebook Etiquette” the site would be bland and boring. People are addicted to constantly checking facebook because they want to see silly pictures, find out who broke up with who, or what kind of emo comments your friends have to say. Save the etiquette for linkedin

      My only tip is dont complain about work openly on facebook or twitter if you depend on your paycheck.

    • http://profile.typepad.com/rinkumathew Rinku Mathew

      Hi Brett,

      While there does need to be an etiquette for Facebook, these rules are far too restrictive and censorious. They are more apt, as Djchriscurz suggests, for more formal social media like Linkedin. Facebook is for the informal, inane, trivial, silly, and sometimes serious parts of life. So the appropriate etiquette governing it must take that into account and will be necessarily be lax and informal too.

      Best,
      RM

    • http://profile.typepad.com/bigbluebox01 Zyron

      Thanks for these tips. I agree that some of them are a bit more formal than is strictly necessary; however, most Facebook users’ problem seems to be the opposite – far too informal! I definitely agree with the points about shameless mass-invitations to Facebook games and the number and quality of photos of yourself.

      On a different note, I love the Art of Manliness blog, but sadly I cannot adopt most of its tips as I am female. :( Does anybody know of an equivalent site/blog for ladies? Any help would be much appreciated.

    • http://profile.typepad.com/beasleysteve Doc Silvermoon

      Hi Zyron!

      I searched for a female version of The Art of Manliness and unfortunately, my sojourn bore no fruit. However, in a way, that may be a good thing, because this is the perfect opportunity for you to create one of your own! You may already be an expert on matters such as the ideal website would contain, but if not…I’d study up a bit and begin creating a modern guide for women. Not sure what you could call it, but it’s worth considering.

      Good Luck,

      Doc

    • http://profile.typepad.com/tinacarl Tina Carl

      FB has become Face Vent Book. I used to love catching up on a lot of people’s status updates, now it’s scary and aggravating at times.

    • http://profile.typepad.com/gretchenforde Gretchen Forde

      I can add a few more rules:no mushy notes to your significant others, relatives, etc. It makes me feel like I’m intruding. You can limit who sees this stuff. No more rants about politics, including links to articles,etc. They are boring. If you must rant, keep it to a minimum. Not everyone agrees about whatever or cares. I unfriended one person because they kept posting biased articles constantly. It made me feel like they didn’t have a life and that I was somebody who couldn’t decide for themselves. Don’t start arguments with other friends on the same conversation. They are entitled to their opinion, just like you are. Stay “on topic” if a question is being asked. Never assume that your friend’s pages are private like yours.

    • http://profile.typepad.com/courtneyrhodes Courtney Rhodes

      Say what you want on facebook if you don’t mind it being recorded forever. If people don’t like what you post they can defriend you or limit what they see from you. Posting what you like is a good way to weed out those who don’t share interests with you. Personally I like posts that make me think. Take a leap of faith and friend someone you don’t know well or don’t know at all if you have similar interests, I mean it is a social networking site. Like what you want if you wouldn’t mind your boss seeing it. I find it suspicious when a person only has a few likes. Please limit your “checking in” status. I don’t care if you are at the grocery store, gas station, mall or airport. And I cannot stand it when people post pictures of their children constantly. Not because they are cute kids, but because you never know which one of your “friends” is not exactly who they say they are-even if you thought you knew them.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003406365808 Rohit

        Hi Jill-Marie great show! I have always heard that first imnosseirps count, but did not realize that first imnosseirps are formed after only 5 seconds wow that’s amazing! Looking forward to your next show.

    • http://profile.typepad.com/lesliehild Leslie Hild

      Facebook is supposed to be a social network, not a soapbox for people’s personal opinions and beliefs regarding politics, religion, or the state of the union. I don’t think Facebook is the correct forum for long or heated discussions debating personal beliefs and disrespecting or insulting those who don’t share their opinion. Posting links, cartoons, or other favorite causes on your own wall or as an update to share with your friends is one thing. If someone doesn’t agree, then they can just ignore it. But commenting as a way to challenge my beliefs or a cause I support is over the top. The text box under posted status reports says comment, not DEBATE or CHALLENGE MY OPINIONS.
      There are plenty of other places on the internet for this kind of ranting or for discusion of peoples beliefs. I read at least a dozen separate pages about Facebook Etiquette and most of them did not address this issue. I think it is important to include this in future discussions of Facebook etiquette and courtesy.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003406365614 Savorn

        Another great video, Jill-Marie. These first impression sklils are so important for building good relationships with clients and customers and you’ve done a great job in explaining them.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003406368946 IFA

      Thanks for the great show Jill-Marie! It’s amazing to me that a first imossreipn can be formed in 5 seconds or less that makes it really important to have our first imossreipn skills polished. Thanks for the 5 tips you gave very useful. Looking forward to your next show!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003406367315 Kevin

      Thanks, Alison. The common gonurd is indeed the place for great relationships to flourish great point. I certainly don’t want a little mini-me (which I sometimes encourage by doing the things I want to do, rather than what they want to do). We need to let them be different from us, and that’s difficult sometimes. I sometimes joke that our kids are going to turn out how we least expect it, and may rebel’ against us, the people who vowed to be the best parents ever After all, we certainly turned out differently than our parents expected.It has been interesting to connect with so many other dads recently about this and other fatherhood questions men are either exploring their masculinity for themselves, or their son is coming of age and they wish to give them the best possible guidance. I hadn’t really considered writing about it here on Natural Papa when I began, but after a couple of posts that were well received, I see a need for more men to talk about it, and think it’s a natural fit here.Cheers!